Some of these tasks just crack me up. But given my current mood, shared by much of the country (see this post on the debt crisis), this seems an appropriate time for Tasks of the Absurd.
BADGE UPDATE: TRAVELER BADGE
A task for this badge calls on a scout to consider the following: An alien (yes, space alien) comes to visit, and it’s your job to act as host. The task asks you to identify where on earth you’d like to take said alien for a visit–and why would these places be on the itinerary.
Now, if I were to go to Greece (my dad’s family’s country of origin), I’d want to check out all the villages where relatives had lived. I’m thinking maybe Alien Girl would want to see her relatives, too. And so, I offer:
Travel Itinerary for Me and Alien Girl
Day 1: Drive from Austin, TX to Marfa, TX. Let’s go see the Marfa lights, a bizarre nighttime phenomenon that has been attributed to all kinds of things, from car headlights to aliens. I’d just have to wonder if Alien Girl could shed a little light on this, know what I mean? I’m betting she’s gonna say it has nothing to do with her peeps.
Day 2: Drive from Marfa, TX to Roswell, NM
3: Hang out in Roswell. Am thinking Alien Girl might want to visit where her relatives gave their lives in search of exploration. If Hollywood movies are to be believed, they came for the water. They must’ve been bummed to land in the desert.
Day 4: Drive from Roswell, NM to Area 51 in Nevada. Not sure how long the drive is; may need to go off major roads and teach Alien Girl how to drive to split the load.
Day 5: Hang out around Area 51. This is where Alien Girl’s telepathic powers will come in really handy. I expect she’ll be able to do some sort of alien brain freeze on the guards around this military base, letting us slip right in, unnoticed. We’re gonna wanna check out what they’re keeping on ice in the labs. Yay for alien brain freeze!
Day 6: Head into Las Vegas to see an Elvis show and win at slots. I think it’s a pretty short drive from Area 51 to Vegas, and the city sort of looks like a mothership landed in the desert, so I think it’ll be a good fit. Am again counting on Alien Girl’s magic powers. Besides counting cards, I’m betting few poker players around a table would be able to identify her “tell.” Am also betting Alien Girl’s got some sort of capacity to touch a slot machine and make it explode with coins. All of those winnings will be used to fund the rest of the trip, which is gonna be pricey…
Day 7: Fly from Vegas to NYC. By this time, I expect Alien Girl will be happy for a day of slow, quiet travel. Between having seen so many dead relatives and having learned about cocktails in Vegas, it’s probably best to let Alien Girl just sleep for the most part today.
Days 8 & 9: Hang out in NYC. We’ll start the NYC visit by renting “Men in Black” (just the first one, no sequel action). I’m sure Alien Girl will be able to identify where the movie got it right and where it was just, well, fiction. Based on the flick’s accuracy, I figured we’ll do a little sight-seeing and check those sites. Of course, we’ll end up at Flushing Meadows Park (site of the 1964 World’s Fair). I’m sure the movie got it right there — it has to be an alien airport or something.
Day 10: Fly from NYC to London. This is tricky, and not just because of customs. This is tricky because you have to make sure you take a nighttime flight? Why? Because you don’t want Alien Girl to see the ocean. We’ve all seen enough sci-fi to know that when the aliens finally come, they’ll be looking for vast stores of water. In the event that Alien Girl is actually just here to do reconnaissance for her planet, I’d like her to go home without knowledge of our most precious resource. I’m not accusing her of anything… just being, you know, a good world citizen and all…
Days 11 & 12: Drive from London to the countryside to see Stonehenge and find crop circles. The U.K. seems to have had a number of alien visitations over the centuries, dating back at least as far as Stonehenge. Let’s let Alien Girl give us a tour!
Days 14-15: Hang out at the Great Pyramid. I gotta take Alien Girl here, cause this is how I first heard stories about aliens as a kid (they built the pyramids… and somehow the math of those structures connects to outer space… and some of the hieroglyphics look like Alien Girl’s dad). Anyway, I’ve always wanted to see the pyramids, and this is a great excuse to get there. Thanks, Alien Girl!
Days 16-17: Fly from Egypt to some place to Cancun, Mexico. Rent a car and drive down to Playa del Carmen for a day at the beach. Charles and I went here for our honeymoon and I love this place. I just want an excuse for a day on the beach here before our next leg of the trip…
Days 18-19: Drive to/explore Chichen Itza. Gotta do the Mayan connection while she’s here on earth, no? There’s a whole slew of “science” out there telling us that Aliens visited the Mayans and made them wise. And then there’s that whole 12/21/12 doomsday thing, too…
Day 21: Fly back to D.C. to meet the President, the head of NASA, and the head of the Join Chiefs of Staff in the White House Situation Room. I mean — they’re gonna wanna see this girl!
Day 22: White House State Dinner for Alien Girl. She will be wearing an Alexander McQueen gown with her Jimmy Choo’s. I don’t have a thing to wear, but Charles and I will get to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Day 23: I bid farewell to Alien Girl; her folks are coming to get her at Andrews AFB. I fly home to Austin, anonymously, in a crappy middle seat, in coach.
Man, I wanna take this trip! Alien Girl, where are you!